Sunday, March 24, 2013

DWJ March: Reflections on Sunday (4)


First, I would like to say congratulations to Nina (a.k.a. Topcho) from Bulgaria who has won the bronze Howl and Sophie necklace. She was one of the participants in the first viewing of Howl's Moving Castle so I know she's a true fan of Diana's most famous couple! If you're interested in buying a necklace for yourself, just visit Authored Adornments on Etsy.

Also, Cat Gerlach is having a contest on her website to win e-book and print copies of one of her stories, inspired by Diana's work. Click over there to enter!

I'm still not quite half of the way through Reflections. It's taking a long time to read because I am rereading so many parts of it and sometimes marking multiple passages on a page. I feel like I'm really getting to know Diana through her words, whether they be scholarly or for an audience of children and I'm learning so many useful things.

What I want to talk about this week is censorship, but not the kind you might think of. What I'm concerned about is parental censorship. When Diana was a girl, her parents wouldn't let her or her sisters read books that they didn't approve of, that is anything but realistic fiction or classical myths.
"When my mother was a small girl, around 1908-9, she was addicted to fairy stories--any story that began 'Once upon a time' and went on to talk about princes and princesses and magic. These, in those days, were so much despised that you could almost only get them as little booklets printed on cheap paper and sold for two coppers at the slush end of the news agent's. But she saved up her pennies and she bought one booklet a month--and read and reread them avidly. Until the day her father caught her reading them. He was furious. He punished her. Then he took all the booklets away and burned them. He said they were not about real facts and so they would destroy her mind, and he forbade her ever to read such things again. And she obeyed him. He died soon after, which kind of fixed it for her.
I never met my grandfather--for which I am rather glad. I don't think we'd have got on."
"The third reason [why Diana and her sisters had barely any books] was censorship by my mother. She had been trained as a child to believe that fantasy was bad for you and that you should only read a book if it was literature."
" ... I learned [fantasy's] value from not having it, or at least not having it in books very much. There were glimmerings, just enough to set up a craving of the kind you have when you are seriously deficient in some vitamin and, oddly enough, nothing I wrote in those exercise books was fantasy. I did not think it was allowed. Fantasy was 'sentimental nonsense.'"
Sometimes I find myself steering Z away from certain books (Captain Underpants and its like, usually) having what I think are perfectly valid reasons for not letting him read those books. But now I'm starting to wonder if I'm keeping him from experiencing something important. Am I not allowing him to explore certain topics or types of humor that would actually have an impact on the growth of his imagination? Am I making those books more attractive by banning them? And am I simply stifling his own path of discovery by putting up roadblocks, by forcing my own ideas of good and bad children's literature on him? Am I denying him the chance to choose for himself? Though my mom censored which films I was allowed to watch and at what age, I can't recall her ever keeping books from me. I chose my own books at the library and checked them out without running them past her first. It made me feel empowered and in control. I always felt that I was reading exactly what I wanted to be reading. So, I'm going to try and let go a bit -- to stop passing judgment on some of the books that Z chooses to read. This doesn't mean that I won't gently offer "better" literature to him and that I won't choose books for our read-togethers that I think he should be exposed to but I will also allow him a space to explore, a place where his imagination can expand and adjust.

Learning to be a better guardian,
K

14 comments:

  1. I applaud you. My parents had a strict non-censorship policy, and I remember vividly how fun it was to test them. Kids should read widely and indiscriminately so they learn for themselves what is good, better, best.

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    1. From my kid point of view, I don't even remember my mom looking at my library books. Now, from a parental point of view, I'm sure she did. :)

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  2. Great topic today!! I really don't censor my kids' books, but I do currently sort of censor movies. I don't tell them no, but I tell them they can watch it when they are older.

    I think the lack of censorship of books is one reason why we end up bringing home so many books from the library. I simply can't say no! I have even said yes to Captain Underpants. It is not something that I personally enjoy, but my son loves them and I feel that they have served as a gateway to other books that I do enjoy! I was never censored by my parents when it came to books or movies, and I do truly appreciate that (and I can say that I did not always make the best of choices at times too, but that was all my own fault!!).

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    1. But there's something to be learned from making bad choices too, right? I think that's what I need to remember -- that if I take away his chance to learn, it's bad for both of us.

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  3. Very interesting topic! My mom strictly censored what I was allowed to read when I was a child. Fantasy and myth were definitely not allowed in our house. Now, it is almost all that I read. I didn't resent it or anything at the time, but now I think I did miss out on lots of happy reading experiences that I could have had as a child. Although, it is also loads of fun going back as an adult and catching up on all that I missed.

    I don't censor reading material for my kids as such. But there are books that I tell my kids they have to wait until they are older to read. My oldest especially is very sensitive and easily upset and scared. I also like to pre-read (or at least skim through) anything I'm totally unfamiliar with before my daughter reads it so that I know if there are any sticky issues that we'll need to discuss while or after she reads.

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    1. Interesting! Did you ever talk with your mom about it later?

      And I can see keeping books back that you know will upset your child ... but then again, maybe they learn to cope with things by encountering them in a book? It's definitely an individualized decision. I think that's why parents should be left with decisions like these instead of being in the hands of lawmakers or librarians even.

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  4. I should ask my mother how she handled this when we were little. I don't remember her ever telling me not to read anything (except she did tell me to wait a few years before trying The Color Purple, but that was just because she wanted me to like/understand it more than I would have at fourteen), but I wonder if she did more subtle guiding of my taste when we were at the library.

    I have just remembered that she didn't read Berenstein Bears books with us. She didn't like those because (she says -- I have no memory of them) that the mother bear always stayed home while the others had adventures? Or else maybe it was that the father bear was dumb? Anyway she thought they were regressive and didn't want us to read them, and I never felt the lack of them. I think there's a difference between steering a kid away from a specific book or set of books and steering them away from an entire GENRE. Right? Maybe?

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    1. When I had a high school reading list, my mom would go down it with me and tell me which books she thought I would like or if she had read them or not. But she never forbade me to read any of the books on the list.

      That's funny that she didn't like Berenstein Bears books because I don't really like them right now either. Z picks them up every once in a while but thankfully never got that interested.

      And steering away from an entire genre is evil. I'm sad for kid Diana. :(

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  5. I was fairly timid as a small child: basically I was happy with the Chronicles of Narnia and The Sword and the Stone over and over again. By the time I was branching out I think my mom didn't feel she needed to "protect me" from any undesirable literature. Besides, my mom was a reader herself; she understood.

    Wait, I tell a lie: she did "censor" one book: she refused to read me any Dr Seuss books because, in her words, "they are sexist!"

    I didn't understand what that meant until much later, when I read one for myself, and in retrospect I'm glad I stuck with Lucy and Co.

    Also, I LOVE Captain Underpants!

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    1. I think it definitely makes a difference to have a parent that is a reader. My mom also was and she was an only child so I know that her books were very important to her when she was young.

      That's hilarious that your mom found Dr. Seuss books sexist. Some of them probably are but certainly not all of them, right? :) But I think that there's never a need for any kid to read ALL the books. It's how we become such beautifully diverse adults.

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  6. I'm going to add my own endorsement of Captain Underpants! They are funny on so many levels, subversive and self-referential. Completely irreverent and yet empowering. (Did I use enough big words? Are you convinced yet?) I'll just say that The Perilous Plot of Professor Poopy-pants is one of the funniest pieces of literature I've ever read. (The scene where the professor gets hoist by his own peturd (get it??) brings me to tears every time.)

    My reading was never censored as a child (and see what a sophisticated reader I turned out to be!), and I've never told my kids they couldn't read anything, though I always suggest things they should read (and they seldom listen, sigh). But I did object when my 17-yr old daughter used my Kindle account to buy 50 Shades of Grey. (I called Amazon and they reversed the charges and deleted the book.) We had a good conversation about why I objected to the book. (If she still chooses to read it, she can buy it herself.)

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    1. Oh my god Kim! My copy of the Perilous Plot was so well-loved it fell to pieces!

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    2. That's an interesting distinction about who purchases the book. It definitely puts the decision-making power and consequences where they belong. I never thought of doing that but it makes sense for a teen.

      And I will try and be more forgiving of Captain Underpants. We do have the Ook and Gluk book and I am annoyed to no end by that too. I think the sense of humor is just a bit too low for my tastes. But that's kind of the point of this whole epiphany, isn't it? While the books don't work for me, it doesn't really give me the right to keep them away from a child that would enjoy them.

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